The Onion News Network

Believe it or not, there are things in this world that are not dependant on race, nationality, political party affiliation, age, gender, or handicap.

The Onion News Network (ONN) is an online parody news organization, similar to that of the Colbert Report or the Daily Show, only very much more extreme. Every "news" story that they have on there is only very loosely related to a real news story. The opinions expressed on it are too absurd to honestly be those of the writers or reporters.

There is one "report" on the ONN that is an obvious spoof of the concept of "Bring You Kid to Work" day. It’s the same concept, only for the Army branch of the U.S. Military (http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&VideoID=30552894). It goes on about how the troops in Iraq had their daughters over to visit for a day. Yadda yadda yadda.

There is this member of the U.S. Army -- I don’t know whether or not he’s in Iraq -- that completely ragged on the person that made this video, saying that he either is an idiot or voted Democrat -- or both.

Okay, here are a few things that he does not understand:

1) You do NOT need to be a democrat to be anti-Iraq-War. There are plenty of republicans’ here in this very country -- hell, right here in this very town -- that are against the Iraq war.

2) Idiocy is NOT a pre-requisite of being anti-war, or anti-Iraqi-war, just like it is not a requisite for being pro-war or pro-Iraqi-war. I know a considerable number of intelligent people and stupid people on both sides.

3) Just because somebody is against the Iraq War does NOT ostensibly mean they are anti-military. There are people in this very room right now that I know for an absolute FACT that are anti-Iraq-War AND pro-military all in the same brain. I myself am one said person. Just because somebody is against any particular war does not mean they do not support the troops; it just means that they do not support the politicians that sent us to that particular war.

4) If you are a liberal, that does NOT ostensibly make you anti-military. I know many liberals in this very room -- myself being one of them -- that support the troops. Until the day when we can find a way for everyone to stop going to war, we need our troops for macro-protection.

5) Just because it has the word "News" in it does not ostensibly mean it is a serious news network. CNN, MSNBC, and FOX News are all examples of serious news networks. ONN, the Colbert Report, and the Daily Show are all examples of comical news sources.

6) Just because your opinion does not match up exactly with somebody else’s does not ostensibly mean that you are absolutely right and they are absolutely wrong. What is the definition of the word "Opinion"? It is a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty (http://dictionary.referance.com/browse/Opinion, see definition one of entry one).

7) One’s work should not define who said person is. I am a security guard and a student. I take a good blunt of jokes about being each, but I take it with a smile. Why? Because I know it’s a joke in the vast majority of the time. If the ONN does a report that makes the security profession look horrible, I will laugh right along with it, because I know it’s the ONN. Being in the military should be the same.

With that said, everyone that happens to stumble upon this blog should take all of the above into accord. Whether or not you wish to assimilate any of it into your own distinctiveness is up to you.

Take that as you will. -[alpha]{BETA}[delta]